Parenting by the book part two: controlled crying

Controlled crying featured heavily in another book I bought when Sonny was a little baby. It was something that I was desperate to try; not because I was desperate for order and structure and routine and normality, but because I was getting a bit disheartened by the number of conversations I seemed to have which suggested that Sonny shouldn’t be falling asleep on me, whilst I lay on the couch, and that at four months I should be putting him into a routine.

Living without order and structure and routine and normality as I had done for so many years, and with tons of success, I was happy with the set up. In fact we all were; I got to look at his beautiful little squashy face, and also at the telly, both at intervals of my choice. Ed became butler because I couldn’t get up from my position as human mattress, and what man isn’t happy when he’s serving his wife cups of tea and sandwiches. Sonny was happy because he got to sleep on a human mattress. We were all happy. So it stood to reason that we were doing something wrong.

The book provided step-by-step instructions as to how we could fix what was working perfectly for us. Never one to trust my instincts, stick with my gut, or be confident in my own opinions, I read the book cover to cover, convinced that the method was the right thing to do and in doing so, I could become uber mother, and nail parenting quite literally by the book.

At 7pm we put Sonny in his cot. I did my best singing, and leaving his light up lullaby on, we left the room.

The crying began more or less instantly. I waited outside the door for the requisite 2 minutes. With each gear change that Sonny’s lungs took, my anxiety moved up a level too. After 120 seconds, or eons as they felt, I flung myself through his bedroom door as if fleeing a contaminated gas vacuum. Perhaps it was the surprise of this fevered entrance, or just a well-timed lung-break, but Sonny stopped crying at this moment and began breathing as if asleep.

I nudged Ed.

‘Ed’ I said. ‘Is he asleep’? T’was dark by this point, you see, and I was terrified to put the light on in case Sonny was asleep, in which case, I’d wake him up.

Ed grunted. Could have meant anything. I felt around in the cot until I touched something human. It was a foot. I tried to feel for a pulse through the foot and into my thumb, thinking that if I could find one, and if it was regular and steady, it might mean that he was asleep and that controlled crying worked and that I was a controlled crying success story, a bedtime routine legend; an uber Mum.

None of the above was true, I found, as Sonny began crying again. Instinct kicked in and I picked him up. He stopped crying. Ed informed me that I’d broken the first rule of controlled crying, just three minutes into our first attempt at it.

I thought about trying again. Could I suffer even another three minutes of controlled crying? When it distressed my son so much? When it distressed me? When we were probably less than one minute away from the season finale of Ashes to Ashes?

I carefully put the book back on the shelf, next to the one about weaning*.

In my house we don’t often talk about controlled crying anymore.

Till next week!

Uber Mum. X

*slung them.

Post Author: Kelly

I'm Kelly and I like sleeping, lying down, resting relaxing and reclining. Sadly I don't indulge in most of these cherished past times anymore because they have been replaced with the domestic chaos that comes with having a 3 year old boy, a husband with the mind of a 3 year old boy, and a baby bump due for arrival this November. I feel guilty a lot about more or less every parenting decision I take, and find that blogging about the guilt can often help you realise that, although you haven't managed to get even one carrot into you child's mouth in 3 years of trying, you are usually doing your best for your kids. Share my guilt! Read my posts! Thank you, Kelly. x

8 thoughts on “Parenting by the book part two: controlled crying”

Mtully1101

(December 2, 2012 - 11:46 pm)

You and me both sister, you and me both. Just wait until you start accidentally co sleeping.

Kelly

(December 3, 2012 - 7:56 am)

We do! Not accidentally though 🙂

Maren Eden

(December 3, 2012 - 8:20 am)

Oh thank God.. Saw this on pinterest & was about to go off on a big rant about the dangers of CC & how cruel it is, yadda yadda.. always gets me all worked up so PHEW!! Feelin v relieved right now! For you & your son aswell as myself 🙂

Maren Eden

(December 3, 2012 - 8:20 am)

The Monko

(December 4, 2012 - 8:54 pm)

love it. Its so funny how in those early months even when things are working out you read books and place doubts in your head. Before Goblin was born I bought a Gina Ford manual – hahahahahaha! BIN!

The Monko

(December 7, 2012 - 8:17 pm)

I’m featuring this post on the Sunday Parenting Party this sunday. You can grab an I was featured button from my button page if you’d like one.

Kelly

(December 7, 2012 - 9:25 pm)

THank you so much! Very grateful and honoured. And I will grab a button when my blog boss tells me where to put it! xx

Anonymous

(February 10, 2013 - 1:42 am)

Love this! I always say there are so many books telling parents how to get their kids to sleep since there are so many babies who do NOT sleep! Not sleeping well and loving to cuddle with mommy is part of being a baby. Good for you for doing what you needed to do. I know the pressure!

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